Your wife is an emotional junkie and chances are you fed that wanton desire and that is why she married you. What happened a few years down the line? You get home and you don't engage her or your children. I'm guilty of this! We all go through phases and seasons and at times it becomes hard to tell or communicate to your wife about what is chewing you on the inside and so you opt to chew the masculine cud alone, regurgitating it all the time lying to yourself that you are protecting her. You are not.
She looks at you and she is wondering what's bothering you, she is trying to reach out because your silence or absence is so loud to her emotional ear. You lose yourself in football or sportpesa and then, complain about the messy house and the boring diet.
When you isolate your lady by emotionally logging off the relationship, then you are sending her into the miserable corner to start thinking about her life and she will really think about it and come out with some not so good conclusions. She maybe having her girlfriends but she wants you, she wants to talk to you and she craves for you to talk to her.
She maybe having a job, she maybe she spends a lot of time running after the kids around, but her tank is empty because her desire is to spend time with you, the man she loves. Your wife's largest fear is isolation and deprivation. When she feels abandoned by you, she will snap at you with hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her uncanny ability to verbally hurt you is her strongest weapon. Remember, she is rebelling against your emotional distance. It's not that she doesn't love you, she is trying to get your attention. If you don't do this then you are committing emotional abortion.
2. DOES SHE KNOW YOU:
If she feels close to you, then she will be energized to do almost anything for you. Think about it, almost ANYTHING! Knowing you gives her some form of security that she can't get anywhere else. When you deny her the privilege of knowing you then you begin the abortive process of inevitable destruction. Have you ever unpackaged yourself before your woman or are a mystery?
It's unwholesome for you to get affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex. Talk to her on the sheets before your bodies talk in between the sheets.
Touch her-Hug your wife as often as possible. There are numerous health benefits as well as well as hormonal advantages of receiving that hug from you. Hold her hand unless of course she has been socialized differently and wants to run every time your hands goes next to hers then maybe you are lucky and you can get away with this, but the average lady enjoys touch.
When your wife feels like she doesn't know you, then functioning at her optimum is compromised, she becomes moody and grumpy and everyone in her path faces the music.
Your wife is NOT one of the boys. You and I are gifted because we can function and perform well when one area of our lives is leaking or going though a hemorrhage. Things don't seem to bother us, in fact we don't care. Your wife can see that you are stressed about work, ministry or the business, but you don't show it. She wants you to be open, she wants to "see" the YOU in you. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries and troubles.
3. DON'T SOLVE IT:
When your woman comes to vent, please don't pull out your brainwave. Listen to her. We all know this but we seem to get it wrong every time. Your mate is confident that you can take it all. It is simple guys, don't just hear her out, listen to her,...ATTENTIVELY....not with the remote control in one hand and your body language speaking volumes of "maliza haraka" (finish quickly) Half the time all she needs is just an ear. It will be a great relief to you when you realize that most of times you don't have to fix all the issues. Bonus: When you listen, she will feel like you understand her (even if you don't!). Lol
4. YOU NEVER APOLOGIZE:
Conflict is a marital rite of passage. The refusal to apologize is a quick a short cut to the abortion clinic. The irony about conflict is that it is not a pleasant thing, but then it is an opportunity to enhance growth and closeness between the two of you. A rotten seed will incubate in the marriage if you too proud to say, "I'm sorry".
Many of us guys perceive an apology as a sure sign of weakness. We think, "If I apologize, she won't respect me." Wrong, if you don't apologize then you are aborting her trust.
5. YOUR WIFE IS INSECURE:
Your wife may never tell you this but then she may be living in a pool of fearful insecurity. All women compare themselves with other women. Just take your time and observe them at weddings and official functions. So your wife may think that you may be unfaithful. Our women need constant reassurance. This is what we fail to understand this because our masculine logical filter keeps wondering where all this is coming from.
"Do you find me attractive?"
When your woman asks you that question then chances are her insecurity button is on code RED!
"Do you still love me?"
That one is an emotional sandwich trap and chances are you will fail these first two questions.
The mother of them all is this one;
"Do you think Hazel is more attractive than me?"
Well she could just be fishing for nothing, or she could have seen or sensed something and therefore wants to allay those fears.
So she begins with a question that will hopefully connect with you....
Now, let me tell you for free that these are tricky questions that will trap you! Yes, you will fail all the above questions. You will rarely get a perfect 10 out of 10 but at least try and get something above 7.
What we usually do is we become dismissive and make light of the moment. DON'T DO THAT!
Your body language, your intonation, choice of words will really help you move towards 10, but if she is very fair, then you will score a 9!
Look at her, straight in the eyes and search for intent while holding both of her shoulders. See her and then decorate her with your romantic lexicon and you will just have avoided an abortion.
Your wife wants jewelry,dresses, shoes etc but she doesn't need them. The way you to treat her with simple gestures makes her feel loved. It isn't always necessary.
Our default is to neglect our wives by conquering the world and then do the BIG stuff on her birthday or anniversary to pacify our guilt. In effect you are trying to buy her affection, it won't work. Your wife needs to know that she is on your mind during the day.
Don't 'buy' her, make her feel expensive.
7. CONFUSED ABOUT SEX:
We enjoy sex and we want it all the time. Dr. Kevin Leman says that we think about sex 33 times a day!! When you get married you imagine that your wife will also have the same desire to hit the sack at anytime and then it doesn't happen and you get frustrated. You have just confused sex with intimacy and that happens then chances are that you have just aborted her femininity. Your focus is to hit your orgasm and that's all.
When you only show interest in your wife when you want to spew some fluids then, it's not funny. You expect her to get into a hot sexual mood just like that, then you are confused. When you neglect your wife's sexual needs, then you have sent her to the abortion clinic.
Your wife needs intimacy in order to get intimate with you.
8. ADMIT IT:
When you fail to take responsibility for an addiction, an affair or poor performance in any area of your life, then you are surely pushing your wife away. At times husbands blame their wives as the reason for their weakness. "I'm doing poorly because she never encourages me." It's time to take full responsibility for your own behavior. Stop blaming her and admit your faults and then to do something about it.